Seven and a half months later.

It is an unusually cold night and the sunrise isn’t far away. Life, true to it’s nature, had changed now. How we are now paves way for what we become then. Seven and a half months ago a foolish decision of youth came to be. My decision to learn the craft and the business of the movies had come to effect. I am now part of a film school, both of us in nascent stages. I was given a chance I asked for and that is what scares the shit out of me, what if I screw up this time as well? What if I don’t live up the challenge and achieve all that I know I can? I feel so lonely. One night overburdened with emotions; I felt like crying. What if I let down my mother and my father and everyone who ever loved me? I don’t want to fail. I want to win. I want to conquer. I want to matter. And that ladies and gentlemen is my truth. My fear.

Now that I am aware of this, I have begun to orient myself accordingly. I am learning, adapting, and most importantly I have started caring. Caring for myself, people all around, my work and theirs, and even the environment! I feel the only thing left to make the equation of my life work is my effort. I have recognized the faults in my approach to life and I have begun to correct the course. Night after night my conviction gets stronger, my vision clearer, and my understanding deepen. Now I like to believe that my fear is my ally, my guiding light. As this cold night comes to rest, making way for the sun to shine.

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